Everyone handles deployments differently, but we all go through almost the same phases. We all go have denial in the very beginning, then it hits us once we see our SO packing their bag. We get angry. No real reason why we get angry but we just do. Snapping at our SO before they leave, just get furious with for no real reason. Well maybe not some of us, but we often find ourselves getting upset or mad for nothing. Some might go a different route with fear, resentment, guilt or excitement(I'm not real sure about that one haha). Regardless we all have our emotional roller-coaster.
Now to my point, I'm getting angry at Butt. I'm just snapping attitude. I realized it yesterday and I brought it to his attention. I know its not his fault that he's leaving, I know he volunteered for this. We talked about this before he decided too. Its just my process for adjusting life without him. I've done this stupid ass rodeo before, so I know what's coming. Reserves do shit so fucking backwards its a stupid roller coaster of emotions. He's home for a week again before he leaves for a month and a half. Home again for I don't even know how long, then leaves again. I'm grateful that I can spend time with him in between everything but shit man. It tosses the boys for emotional loops, they act out for about 3-4 days after he leaves again when he comes home. So guess what I get to look forward too as this continues till like July? Thrilling.
Butt noticed my attitude, he did ask what was wrong. Nothing was wrong then and nothings wrong now. Again just a process. I don't think I'll go through any other feeling just anger and I'll just accept it. I suppose its one of those luxuries that we've done this before? I really wish I knew.
What I'm really not looking forward too is the emotional detachment from him. When he does it, it feels like my heart was ripped out of my chest. I feel so different, like I'm not me. Coping with that drives me crazy. I don't even know how to explain that. I'm sure you could imagine, if you tried.
I'm starting to babble now so I think I'm off to bed, well maybe :P
